He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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