I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
