gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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