What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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