he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
