trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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