my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
