Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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