I am puke
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
