New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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