Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize