The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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