she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
