omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
organizing the empties. That sober.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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