Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
