This is not my ceiling
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
