Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
