Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Apparently you make a good broom.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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