I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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