I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
