I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
