Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
