i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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