I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
