I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
