omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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