A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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