I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
