Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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