This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
