I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
