I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize