the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She said her name was "party"
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
