how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
