Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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