im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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