im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
