At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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