Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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