That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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