I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So apparently I’m into choking now
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