never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
