let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
