She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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