Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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