Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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