I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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