just come out here and I will go home with you...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
