Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
