my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
