Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
