Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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