she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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