Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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