Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
