So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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