Do you still have your period?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
BRING THE BAGELS
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
