she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
