Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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