If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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