she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
